It’s me, hi,
So here I am several months after I last published anything. Things have been bananas but full of joy in my corner of the world.
I haven’t talked about this in a while and I think I’m well overdue for it. Let’s go back to mindset. But from an undergrad perspective now. Circumstances have changed. They’ve come to 22 hours of classes in a week, long labs, weekly quizzes and every other week being insane. That’s where I’m at.
It’s really hard not to get bogged down when everything catches up to me and it’s not exactly something I talk about too much with my friends. So I thought I’d do a little entry here. I guess for anyone reading who’s facing a similar situation, or even approaching university in the near future, you could benefit from hearing these things from me now — someone who’s finishing their first year.
I am no superhuman. University is hard. But for me it’s challenging in all the right ways. The assessment practices are more than fair and allow me to be adequately prepared. The labs are great but have their caveats. I’ve had many incredible lecturers and TAs who have turned out to be some of the most supportive people I could have met in my first year. But, it’s a lot. It’s so much to go from being in high school with the same schedule everyday and plenty of free time to a new environment with an irregular daily schedule in which I find myself spending the greater majority of my time and weekends just staying on top of my work.
So it comes down to mindset. And to be transparent, it’s a thing I’ve struggled with this entire year. From what I know my friends feel about the same. Yet, when everyone feels like this, I find myself being the cheerleader, even when the going gets tough. Because someone’s got to keep up the team morale. And if that’s me, then rooting for others gives me a little boost of hope and motivation for myself, too. But remember, dear reader, don’t forget to check in on your friend that cheers you on.
So what do I do when I get down? Dance parties. I get a stellar test grade, calculus assignment went amazing, they waived the problematic question on the weekly quiz: dance party, victory dessert, smile and shout the good news from the rooftops. But I think it’s something that should maybe be talked about more… what it’s like living from test to test, always anticipating the next grade to be released, and what the plan is from there. Because it’s kind of weird. Every two weeks like clockwork. Productivity culture is such an odd thing that I am always facing. But I still have the occasional midday nap and watch sitcoms at the end of a long day. I just have to take time for myself.
So for me, these days growth mindset looks like taking a deep breath and exhaling when the going gets tough. I’ve had some crummy labs and the cure to the bad vibe is both listening to reputation and pulling through by laughing it out. Last semester I had two bad quizzes, but the solution for me was to remember that I am not defined by whatever number presents itself on my report this week. And to laugh about it and say, “well, they have to have some grade worth dropping.”
Physics is hard. But so rewarding. I absolutely love what I do and wouldn’t change it for anything. I constantly go about my day and realize that I really made the right choice with this path. When I’m hanging around the lab/lounge doing work and the profs, staff, and other students call out to me by name and talk with me, I couldn’t be happier to be where I am. I just think that maybe now I understand why people say that first year is the hardest.
And the greatest thing I do every day is learn from my mistakes. It’s how I learn best and I will never stop saying that. My calculus prof is so beautifully accepting of the questions I bring to her office hour, and this might sound silly but, she has really confirmed how absolutely okay it is to make mistakes at this level. Sometimes I have days where I feel like everybody gets it and it’s just me, struggling behind the scenes. But that feeds into the bad mindset we don’t want. That’s why when I feel like that, I know it’s time to reach out to my physics besties and work on the stuff together. Or, go to office hour (one of my favourites). The resources are here for our own success. And at the same time, we are each other’s best resource.
The other thing about this year is being one of two women in first year physics. It’s safe to say that the other amazing lady has become one of my closest friends here. She’s so brilliant and we learn a lot from each other every week. But, in our one calculus-based physics course (it has like 15 people in it), we got separated in lab; she has hers on Wednesday whereas I’m on Thursday. It’s a real thing to feel like the odd one out in lab sometimes. I said to her that had we been together, the feeling likely wouldn’t be there as much; women in physics stick together. And yeah, there are instances where I feel like we’re not taken seriously. It’s so real, and it’s tiring to feel the need to prove yourself in a place where the only ones doubting you are your peers.
Sometimes it comes down to putting every effort forward to get taken seriously and show that we’re forces to be reckoned with. The growth mindset comes back when I look myself in the mirror before a test or lab and say, I deserve to be here. Just as much as everyone else. I’m qualified and I know my stuff and I can’t let anyone make me feel otherwise. I deserve to be here. And I’ve worked just as hard if not more to get to where I am today.
And then when things go great like they have been lately, I stop and think that it’s physics that gave this life to me. I get to learn about the laws of the universe every day and that never stops being cool. Physics is what brought my friends to me and physics has given me the silly little life lessons and jokes I will not forget. It’s a department that makes me stop and think that I made the right choice. It’s a community I am very proud to be part of. And that’s something I will never stop talking about.
With all that, I do hope to talk about doing calculus-based physics and how that experience was, as well as integrals, series and all that good stuff. I just kind of wanted to put out there what I’ve been thinking about lately. I just wanted to be real.
Take care of yourself and take care of your friends. We soldier on!
–Sophie
Sophie Does Math 